What did we do last night that was yellow?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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