Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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