The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
