I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize