Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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