I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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