its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
