tell your sister to shave her snatch
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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