I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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