I'm laying in your front yard are you home
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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