I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
