i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
