I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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