It's Friday. Sex?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
