is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
her facebook's as public as her vagina
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
