I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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