why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
