I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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