I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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