Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I wanna passion pit in your ass
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Dicks are not precious.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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