so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My pussy is not your playground.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
