I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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