I am spending my child support on dildos
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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