and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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