ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
