But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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