I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize