Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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