i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
