I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
