she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
