An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
