How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
