I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
