Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
