I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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