My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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