Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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