dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
