Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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