Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
