he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
