She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
