Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize