I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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