I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
