My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
