I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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