# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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