Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
