oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
