She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
