I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
