i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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