she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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