I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
