i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
