I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
