Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
