My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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