i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize