My nipple is on Facebook.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
