Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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