Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
40s are totally the cure
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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