I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize