doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize