she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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