i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
