I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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