last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
